is your mom at the bar?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
