Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
