Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
