Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
