She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
