SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
