I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
