so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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