This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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