I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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