A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
