i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job