I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever