my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.