I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.