Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize