i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.