I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
