Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
