I cut my penus on the lid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
