The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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