I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
