I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
