you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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