woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
