hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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