i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
