when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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