So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
