There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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