So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
