10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize