I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
