Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
