i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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