I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
