Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize