I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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