i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
