it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
