this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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