Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
