oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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