your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
