come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need water and some morals
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
