Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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