They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
