My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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