That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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