I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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