You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
