you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
