I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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