The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
