I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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