i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
