nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize