She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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