glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
