I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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