I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
