I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
