Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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