Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
