the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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