i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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