Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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