walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
