we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
