my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
